egregious ’80’s music: every rose has its thorn (poison)

…just like every aging rocker has his hair extensions…

every rose has its thorn, an annoying number one hit for the hair metal band poison,  had died a quiet, happy death for me since it’s seemingly-never-ending days on playlists in 1988. then, two events revived this tripe from the dead.

first, lead singer bret michaels started the series rock of love. (then, rock of love 2. then, rock of love bus. and of course, how can we forget rock of love charm school and charm school with ricki lake? i know i am still trying.) all along, this 40-something former rock star moaned and emo-whined about finding his soulmate, and yet the primary criteria for the women present were: 1) the amount of silicone they possessed; 2) the sheer vulgarity of their personalities; and 3) whether they were willing to basically give it away.  most (blissfully) were pretty unaware of michael’s old band; most in fact had the musical taste of a rock, screaming and grinding like crazy every time they attended one of his solo performances.

but thanks to this franchise of shows, i ended up hearing every rose has its thorn more than i cared to.

this, in turn, led to the second reason the song has re-emerged. our new local rock station, 105.9, has apparently moved the demographic up a bit and now includes a lot, and i do mean a lot, of 80’s hair metal. and every single hair metal band who wanted that one hit pulled together a power ballad. maybe the favorite power ballad that gets a ton of airplay on this station is…you guessed it. every rose has its thorn.

But I guess that’s why they say
Every rose has its thorn
Just like every night has its dawn
Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song
Every rose has its thorn

so now, i get to endure this rancid (and i don’t mean the band) song every time i forget my mp3 player in the car. as an english major, i have difficulties with michael’s rhyming scheme as well as his simile. thorn, dawn, and song don’t really rhyme (unless you are a new yawker, and even then, song is pushing it.) i don’t seem to recall roy rogers or gene autry singing sad, sad songs, but then again, i was never a huge fan of westerns.

if every rose has it’s thorn, then perhaps every car radio ought to have it’s mute button. for just such occasions, i mean.


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