silent night

this is for all the people who don’t feel very shiny or happy this time of year.

december is a whirlwind kind of month around here. we have BC’s birthday. we have chanukah. and we have christmas. it’s a crazybusy time. i never remember whether i’ve gotten the whole presents thing right. BS usually has one full day of cursing out the christmas tree lights (because apparently, there is always one bad apple that spoils the whole bunch.) the kids are wound up on cookies and frosting and dreams of what presents will be coming around for them. i know we should be feeling the joy, but there are moments…

see, there’s this tacit assumption that during holiday time, everyone should be feeling happy and peppy and bursting with love.  it sickens me, to be honest, in it’s self-centeredness.  if you’re depressed, well, it seems like the world around you is having a great big party and you have not been invited. (n’yeah n’yeah.) and even though people will often try to involve you and get you in the spirit so to speak, they may become angry when you simply don’t have it in you.

and then you’re sad and rejected. goody.

depression is very real. having experienced it myself after giving birth to BC, i can honestly tell you that you feel like you have dug yourself a deep hole and nothing will pull you out of it. fortunately, it’s a bit less stigmatized than it once was.  if you’re lucky, you might either know you need help, or perhaps someone close to you will suggest it. you might needs meds; you might need to talk to someone. hell, you might need both. and if you don’t have health insurance, call your local health department, as they may be able to let you know how you can get help you can afford.

but please. get help.  no one has to be happy. but no one should have to suffer this sort of pain, either.


4 Responses to “silent night”

  1. Very well-said, Miss Wreke. I had a slight case of post-partum depression after my first born, and I’ve had mild bouts of depression a couple of times in my adulthood. I just realized yesterday, in fact, that the malaise I’ve been feeling lately is probably attributable to a sadness I haven’t really dealt with, and is probably actual depression. In my case, just accepting it has been enough to get me out of it, but other people have much more difficult paths.

    Here’s hoping that your post will touch someone who needs the encouragement to go get better.

    Also, WHEW! How do you DO it with two major sacred holidays in one season?! I haven’t bought ONE. THING. or even a Christmas tree yet. Ack.

    Happy everything,


  2. Thank you for this post. This time of year is especially hard for a lot of people, and I hope your words reaches someone who needs to know that it is okay to be out of synch with (what seems to be) the rest of the world, and that there is help out there, if only they reach out.

    I have chronic depression, and December is always a very rough time for me. Your description of what it can be like is bang on the mark. Thank you for putting out the word that there is help, even for those of us who have limited resources.

  3. Such a sad song. I’ve BTDT with PPD. It really, really sucked. Thank you for speaking out about depression. There’s such a stigma attached to it but so many people who need help. And, really, with kids and responsibilities and such, who has the time or energy to seek therapy?

    One of my friends posted about SAD the other day. You might find it helpful:

    Also, I tend to walk around singing a version of “Carol of the Bells” I heard years ago: “Just go away, Leave me alone, I’m doing fine, Don’t bother me. Have yourself a very Merry Christmas somewhere else!” That nearly always makes me snicker. YMMV

    Sending you lots of hugs!

  4. Since having my more recent surgery I have been “off”. I’ve had mood swings and have just been in a bit of a funk. The doctors say it’s from having 2 major surgeries in just over six months. My counselor says it’s the season. Either way, Grandy says it sucks. I’m not usually like this.

    Oh well…Tis the season to lose reason!!

    Happy Everything Month!! 🙂

    How are you feeling???

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