letting go

i didn’t realize how easy i had it with one child until i had a second.

and i would never, ever trade either of them in for all the tea in china (though there are days when i might give them away, especially on days when they fight about the most picayune things. like who is taking up more space on the planet.)

but this week, while BC is at sleepaway camp with the Girl Scouts for the first time, i am feeling a little blue. i haven’t gotten any boohooey phone calls begging me to drive out to boofoo the middle of nowhere camp to come and pick her up. i’m pleasantly surprised by that fact, as i intentionally picked the camp closest to home in case i got the call at some ungodly hour and had to schlep my ass out, half-asleep, and collect the child. after all, when girlfriend found out that there was no electricity in the cabins, that they had to pee in latrines, that they would have to CLEAN aforementioned latrines, and that there were bugs in them there woods… well, we were not amused.

but she’s still there.

it is giving me the opportunity to really focus on jools, my little big man, who will be hitting elementary school soon (and probably hard.) we play toss the dog with his webkinz. we watch the magic schoolbus, especially the one where they all turn into bats. i want to be a bat, he tells me, because i want to eat bugs. (charmed, i’m sure.) but it’s leaps and bounds better than his current favorite, ben ten: alien force. (yep. the interest in aliens is completely BS’s contribution to the gene pool. but the fact that he rewinds it multiple times to hear the theme song, which he loves — all mine.)

i love the fact that it’s all about him, as it never really is on most days. that’s part of the fun of not being the first child; although when you’re the youngest, you eventually get your turn… of course, you get it as a teenager, when you really don’t want all that much one-on-one time with your folks. typically speaking, anyway.

still, the house is so quiet. i don’t miss people fighting.

but i miss my girl.

i don’t want to tell her, though. she’s the type who will never leave my side if she thinks i’m sad. and part of being a mom — maybe the toughest part about being a mom — is letting go.

if this is just a week, i can’t imagine what’s in store for me later.


6 Responses to “letting go”

  1. It may be a very different experience, but Avi was in a psychiatric hospital for almost a week. I know things are vastly different, and we visited him each day, BUT I can relate to what it is like to not have your child with you. It is hard and you miss them dearly.

    Great to hear that she is doing so well!

  2. As I have currently been through 4 of 5 weeks without my little guy – I CAN SO RELATE!! (sniffle)

  3. With one heading to college in September, I can tell you it creates a major life shift. My son is thirteen and still needs me, but I think I might be in a wee bit of a midlife crisis. Sadly, I don’t have the money for a little red sports car.

  4. As one who has just sent her daughter away for 3 weeks I can definitely relate to this… This was her third year in a row- and the past 2 both kids were gone at the same time. … i guess i get used to the quiet but still the house feels empty – and things that i wanted to do while she was gone stay undone. There just isn’t enough hours in the day.. but before you know it, she will be back…

  5. Awww…I feel ya. I love having the time for my boy (EGirl went to a birthday dinner last night and while walking the dog with him and my husband we both laughed at the thought that her first THREE years were like his one family dogwalk) but I always miss her when she’s gone. Not so much the sass but her being. Glad you are wise enough to know how to let her go. I cannot imagine the day they walk out the door to live their own lives….

  6. So hard to find a rhythm to that herky-jerky come here/now go away “letting loose” process. No wonder parents turn to mush after they drop their kids off at college.

    On the Jools front, we are getting to know Ben-Ten also at our house as well. Popular with the 5-ish boy set! Soon I’ll have the obscure, byzantine rules of Pokemon explained to me to my eternal befuddlement.

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