tearjerker du jour

cranky jools, who stayed up until 9pm last night, was snapping out of his sleepy snit. he jumped into my lap on the couch.

mama, he said, am i too big for your lap?

no honey, i replied. you’ll never be too big for my lap.

even when i grow up and i am bigger than you?

if you want to sit in my lap then, you can still sit in my lap.

he pauses, thinks for a moment. then he continues.

mama, when i am bigger than you, will you die?

i hate moments like this. before i was diagnosed, i used to confidently blurt out, only when you’re very, very old. now, of course, i’m not so sure. i guess no one can be sure. but somehow, i am less sure than before. though ever more determined.

only when you’re very, very old, i reply.

i hope i’m convincing.

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9 Responses to “tearjerker du jour”

  1. Sorry, I don’t know what diagnosis you refer to. I certainly hope all is well with you now.

  2. sorry about that. i forget some folks are new around here. i’ve written about it a bit in the blog. i have been diagnosed with CVID, a genetically-inclined situation that essentially means that my immune system is not up to par. i have to sit for 5 hours every 4 weeks, hooked up to some gammaglobulin (IVIG) goodness for the rest of my life. starting this year.

  3. Oh wreke, you’re gonna live to be a cranky old fart, picking out punk-rock designed Depends, confusing your dentures with your husband’s, and running over the toes of your great-grandkids with your turbo-powered scooter.

  4. punk rock depends. heheheheheh. i guess safety pins ARE a good idea for those, huh.

    everytime i start feeling sorry for myself, i am going to think about those things.

    that, plus the fact that i already told BS that i’m going to be the bane of his existence for a long, long time.

    but of course, there are moments…

  5. Oh wow. Sorry to hear about that. Good luck with the treatments – and I am sure you are mighty glad there ARE treatments! No doubt you will be the bane of BS’ existence for quite a long time.

  6. Oh Jules. Oh Wreke. šŸ˜¦

  7. (quietly)

    sniff. snuffle.

    and long may you kvetch about your IVIG treatments.

  8. one of the nicest things ever said to me šŸ™‚ thanks, cyn, and thanks everyone.

    i look forward to being a royal pain in the ass for many, many years to come. G-d bless Blue Cross/Blue Shield šŸ˜‰

  9. wow. I wish you a very very long life and cynematic put it the best. I too have a disease that will be with me for the rest of my life so I can totally relate. Although my Crohn’s disease is mild at the moment, it could flair up at any time and I try never to think about that.

    I’ll just keep using your replies! Thanks!

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