road rage

what the HELL is the matter with you people who drive on Route 270 through Montgomery County? [and yes, i am, in fact, screaming.]

i drove to a birthday party up in scenic damascus yesterday, and i felt like i was taking my freaking life in my hands. now understand, i am not a frightened little old lady who drives at 20. no, i drive the NJ Turnpike, i drive the DC Beltway, i drive all over the place (EXCEPT for NY – i swore when i received my driver’s license i would never, ever drive there. 25 years later, i am true to my word.) i drive like a big-ass, jerseygirl driver. which, of course, i am. sans the big hair.

and yet.

here i am, driving to this little kid birthday party with jools in the backseat, singing his super why repertoire at the top of his lungs. meanwhile, i am negotiating 6 of the 12 lanes that cut through lovely (don’t go back to) rockville, potomac, parts of rockville that are also called potomac (to make people feel richer), gaithersburg, etc., and people are screaming by me. i mean SCREAMING, and the wind they create actually makes my tiny little prius shake slightly. i’m going 70 to keep up with slow traffic. and when i say people are passing me, they are whizzing by, not just gently passing.

then there are the weavers: the people, usually male, who weave through several lanes at a time at 10,000 miles per hour, like cloth through a loom. usually, they’re driving huge pickups — the ones with the supersized sides — or SUVs. (i get it, i get it. you have a huge penis. now get the fuck off the road and go play with it somewhere else.)

and then, lest i forget, the clowns who merge onto this panoply of pandemonium… at 40 mph??? do they have a freaking death wish? where did they learn to drive — north dakota??? did ANYONE take PHYSICS in high school??? SHEESH.

where ARE you people going in such a rush? to your graves? my G-d. if you aren’t having a heart attack, stroke, or baby, you really need to slow your speed-loving ass down.

ARGH. it actually drove me to take my mp3 player off random and put it on James Taylor’s Greatest Hits on the way home. i needed sedation. and if i heard anything remotely punk-like, well, i don’t think it would have been a good moment for motherhood on the road.


One Response to “road rage”

  1. You should submit this to Wash Post Dr. Gridlock . Your story is so true. When our nanny moved from Silver Spring to Frederick, I cried because it meant she would have to drive I-270 every day. She had no idea what she was getting into. This was five years ago. Every year the traffic gets worse. You should see what the rush hour traffic looks like…I take it you were out on the weekend for the party. Hard to believe, but it’s even worse during rush hour.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: