hi, my name is sisyphus

i have this problem, you see. it’s not as critical as world peace, or hunger, or the state of the planet. i recognize that. but it is something that bothers me, all the same.

let me tell you about today, for example.

today, after waking, getting hellboy dressed and fed and ready for school, i got BC showered (well, she does it herself, but i’m the prodder), fed, lunch made, and carted off to gymnastics. then, i ended up at three different supermarkets. HUH, you ask? well, giant didn’t have meat or chicken that we needed, nor did it have the particular bread that BS wanted (nothing exotic, but they were out of it). i stopped then into whole foods, which had lovely meat and poultry, but still not the bread. so, off to safeway for aforementioned bread.

after putting away the groceries, i literally peeled and chopped five pounds of carrots. (i bought the 5 pound organic bag instead of the two pounder. oops.) i put the whole chicken into the oven (after preparing it, of course), followed by some carrots; i made some really wonderful carrotty-chocolate cupcakes (which sound gross but which are actually really yummy), and a really, truly vile sweet carrot salad (make only if you require a homemade emetic). oh, and i washed and cut two pounds of strawberries, too.

then, i did dishes and proceeded to pick up.

[i’ve provided a musical interlude here. otherwise, you’d be bored if i described picking things up. this seems appropriate. although i’ll also include this one, just cos i like it.]

after all of this, i was left with 45 minutes to work on my novel. which i did. but then, i had to pick up BC.

long story short, the chicken wasn’t cooked enough, the carrot salad was, as mentioned before, nasty, and i ended up scrambling eggs for the kids and eating a bowl of cereal. kid bathed; kids read to; kids in bed. there are dishes everywhere, and i feel like whatever i did today meant a whole lot of nothing.

i push the rock up the hill. and down it comes.

don’t get me wrong. i am lucky as hell that i can do this. i kiss the ground that i can do this. but there are some days when, well, i wish i were doing more for the world. like all that education and all that oomph are sort of hiding themselves under a bushel. i want to be involved in my kids’ lives, but i fear that i will start to get over-involved because i lack much of a life of my own. and there’s not much worse than an over-involved mom.

so what to do?

i guess hope the rock doesn’t crash down on my head, for starters.


One Response to “hi, my name is sisyphus”

  1. I totally get what you mean. As Janis Joplin said, “Tomorrow never happen, man. It’s all the same effing [ahem] day.” She was talking about how you’ve got one shot in life, but I think it also covers mom-ennui.

    Those cupcakes look awesome, though.

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