a friend is a friend

i’m making a new friend.

this shouldn’t seem like a big deal; BC gets her extreme friendliness from somewhere (and it isn’t from her dad, you know 😉 but living here, in the people’s republic, i meet plenty of nice people who i enjoy, but not a ton of people i really connect with, people who really seem to be in a similar mindplace that i am in, people who don’t judge me for being, well, a little off-kilter. i’m blessed that i have some very close friends who never make me explain, never need explanations, pulling information from the strands i weave around me and making sense out of it. and liking me in spite of it. some know me from childhood; some from college; fewer still from my adult life. i just don’t get to see them all that much.

it’s not that i find it hard to connect with people; it’s just that making a new friend requires effort, requires time, requires care. many of these things feel like they are in short supply at present on my part. it’s not that i am unwilling; but when you’re a mom, you really don’t have time to undertake these things; and once you finally muster them up and gather them all together, your expectations can still take a tremendous nosedive when the person fails in one way or another. i don’t have the luxury of time to fail. anyway, i have always expected too much of other people. very few ever rise to the level i want or need, and so over time, i have just learned to appreciate the thin veneer of cordiality as a connection in and of itself. it satisfies, if only temporarily.

i often wonder what it would be like if i lived near my close friends, our very own mayberry or wisteria lane. would we grow to hate each other? would we grow together? would we still provide the level of comfort to each other as we can from a distance? because we don’t see each other often, we can still reach back easily and picture each other as a teen, or as a college student, or in some other way. maybe seeing someone each day would push that recollection out of the fore.

i’m probably a pretty crappy friend at this stage of my life. i strive to balance my life, my family’s life, with everything else. there are some people i have met in the last year or so who i would love to get to know further. and it is so hard to get schedules and stars aligning in a way that would make things work. people try with me, and i just struggle to get things together. i’m tired of schedules running our lives. i wish sometimes it could all be so spontaneous, the way it was when i was younger. “yeah, sure, c’mon over — you bring the beer and i’ll order a pizza and we’ll hang out.” that sort of thing. but that seems to be so elusive now.

and still i rise. i am an optimist. (contrary to the people who voted me high school class pessimist as a joke.) right off the bat, this new person and i seem to get each other, she and i. today i feel good about the future.

just because i am making a friend.


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