ode to ford f-150s

…so what is it with men and big trucks?

this morning, i was merging onto the George Washington Parkway on my way to work, just as always. the merge lane stays with you for a little bit, then disappears. people merge, zipperlike, into the lane beside the merge lane. not a hard concept to grasp, right? i ready myself for my merge, just as the cars before had. but i go to merge with this Ford F-150 truck, and the guy flips me the bird and pushes ahead of me, even though i have almost nowhere to go! fortunately, the person behind him was a kind and mentally-competant driver who let me in before i literally drove off the road.

yep. it’s r e a l l y important to cut off people. shows you’re a real man.

now, this would be unremarkable (save for the fact that most of the reports you read about road rage occur on the GW. must be something to do with two scenic lanes intended for tourists where you are supposed to be going 40 mph that have since turned into a route of caffeine-revved commuters who all think they know how to run the world. cos it’s DC, doncha know.) except that every time i have had an encounter with a man driving a f-150, he has turned out to be a colossally stupid and insecure specimen of penis envy on wheels. it probably explains why he has the truck.

now i feel sorry for people like that of course, but do they have to take it out on poor souls who don’t give a shit about the shortcomings in their shorts? i mean, there’s no other reason why one needs such a big-ass truck here in an urban area. it reminds me of the brainy ones who spend upwards of $50k on their range rovers here. see, you gotta watch out for any kangaroos in your path when you’re driving in the DC metro area. seriously, these autos are probably incredibly useful in the appropriate venues, but they are fairly silly when used merely as a means to get to work.

note to mr. f-150: i hope your dick falls off, though if it did, how would anyone know?

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