right now, cindy lauper is singing to me.

i just feel like a cloud waiting to rain. i am wondering whether there is anything on earth that i do well. or maybe even slightly competently. there are days when despair crowds around my head like a scratchy wool sweater being pulled over and then down around my neck. sometimes i feel like a shitty mother, a shitty wife, a shitty daughter, a shitty friend, a shitty citizen, a shitty human.

and sometimes, when i think i am feeling pretty strong, i absorb my friends' or loved ones' problems. the fear and anxiety enters my pores and literally becomes part of me. and it brings me down. there was a time when i actually was okay with my friends being truly fucked up, as listening to their colossally-hideous woes kept me from thinking about my own. that was mostly in high school and college. now that we are grown-ups, most of my friends don't have incredibly screwed-up lives. that part exited their lives along with their 20s. but every now and then, i hear something and i cannot help but internalize it a bit. BS sometimes calls me counselor troy, the empath. i'm that bad.

so i heard this song while i was driving, and, wuss that i am, i started to cry. people on Rte. 66 were looking at me, drivin' and a'cryin'. i'm sure they thought i escaped from st. elizabeth's.

True Colors
Cindy Lauper

You with the sad eyes
Don't be discouraged
Oh I realize
It's hard to take courage
In a world full of people
You can lose sight of it all
And the darkness inside you
Can make you feel so small

But I see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow

Show me a smile then,
Don't be unhappy, can't remember
When I last saw you laughing
If this world makes you crazy
And you've taken all you can bear
You call me up
Because you know I'll be there

And I'll see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow

(When I last saw you laughing)
If this world makes you crazy
And you've taken all you can bear
You call me up
Because you know I'll be there

And I'll see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show

Your true colors
true colors
true colors
Shining through

I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow

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