catching up

i have been a poor correspondent this week. so much to do.

on tuesday, we had our parent-teacher conference at BC's school. before the conference, i walked around chinatown. got some coffee, went into the funky chinese herb store (where a lady was pounding up some funky mixtures of G-d-knows-what), played “guess what's in THAT can,” and got followed on the street by a creepy guy who stopped when i stopped and walked when i walked. anyway, back to escuela. the teacher adores BC, says she listens well and keeps the other kiddies in line. are we talking about the same kid? BC is petite – she is barely on the weight chart for her age – so i guess she is truly living up to a nickname i gave her as a baby: “miss small but feisty.” anyway, it is a pleasure to hear that your kid rocks at school.

yesterday, BC was home with me. we had to return something at the LLBean store. BC LOVES LL Bean because she can crawl into set-up tents and play. she wanted to play with the “feathers” (actually fishing gear – lures and such), but i just couldn't handle the thought of a thousand little fishing thingies all over and just me to pick them up.

then… the disney store. some of you know how much i really don't like the Mouse. but a promise is a promise, and so we went. i nearly had a coronary. “i want this, mommy — and this, and this, and this, and…” ad nauseum. she had to touch every blessed thing in the store. and play a game on the computer. and see what was showing on TV. and push the baby in the stroller. and… you get the picture. we had to leave or else miss gymnastics class, but she was so wound, tired and (i think) hungry that i knew we were headed for a breakdown.

and breakdown we had. we got home, and i started to make lunch. “i don't WANT that, i want THAT!” whine whine whine whine whine. i finally lost it. i screamed at her. she dissolved into tears, and i realized that screaming is not a helpful option. i felt awful for screaming, but she was just making me insane. but, as always, i have to remember that i am the grownup. i need to take a breath and just realize that this little person is just a mixed bag of emotions, needs, and everything else.

::mantra: i am the grownup, i am the grownup, i am the grownup::

we ended up sitting on the kitchen floor, having a chat about being angry and tired and cranky. we ended up as friends again. well, not friends, but mom and daughter.

i will not be taking her to the Disney Store alone for a long, long time, though. you can bet on that.


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