egregious ’80′s music: sister christian (night ranger)

look at little sister!

little sisters get no respect. billy idol goes after his in white wedding; and now, drummer kelly keagy of night rider ranger out-and-out mortifies his little sister christy in this 1984 hit power ballad. as a little sister, i feel it is my duty to stick up for poor sister christy and her public pillaging by her older brother. apparently, big brother was shocked and stunned over how quickly his little sister was growing up. apparently, he wasn’t too pleased about her rumored extracurricular activities:

You’re motoring
What’s your price for flight
In finding mister right

apparently, someone was cruising around for trouble with a capital T, and big brother didn’t like that much. but instead of just calling her up on the phone, he instead writes an over-blown song that gets so hugely popular (and embarrassing), to the point where sister christy contemplates a name change. (so i read once, anyway.) gee, dude — why didn’t you also write a song about her first period?

i suppose older brothers mean well. i know; i have two of them, middlebro and BTD, two guys who probably could not be more different and yet who i happen to know truly emanate from the same gene pool. (miraculously.) there are times people think i am more like middlebro, and times i am more like BTD, so i guess you could say i am the hybrid sibling. anyway, the two occasionally meddled in my life, but seldom at the same time. however, i still remember one time when the three of us (plus BTD’s college friend ralph) went to see a genesis concert in 1987 at madison square garden. we took the train to penn station, figuring we ‘d grab something to eat before the show.

in life, there are some people who you are doomed, or maybe destined, to bump into from time to time. whether it’s karma, weird luck, or just some mystical crapshoot that you consistently lose, some of us run into people in the most impossible and improbable ways. thus it was when the four of us entered penn station. there, on the far corner, was an old boyfriend, one whose breakup nearly sent me over the edge and down the hole with alice and the rabbit. i gasped — i mean, what are the odds you’ll see someone in penn station? but there he was. i exclaimed, oh my G-d, there’s so-and-so!

in one of the rarest moments of brotherly solidarity, BTD and middlebro wordlessly picked me up by my bent elbows, turned me around, and put me on an escalator going up. i remember ralph, poor puzzled ralph, saying to BTD, what the hell is up? but no one answered him. and i knew. my brothers did not want any part of the joy that might follow such a meeting.

only too bad for them. once i regained consciousness after the shock, we walked over to a nearby pizza place. as we walked in, there was so-and-so and his brothers. i remember saying hi, and i remember my brothers turning me around and us leaving the pizza place pizzaless.

i guess i ought to be grateful that neither brother has ever written a bloated power ballad about my ill-fated love life.

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One Response to “egregious ’80′s music: sister christian (night ranger)”

  1. That song will forever be linked with Alfred Molina singing it in “Boogie Nights.”

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